Thursday, December 31, 2015

Happy New Year

I haven't written anything in a long time. No excuses. No explanations. Merely stating a fact. As this year comes to a close, it gives me a chance to refocus and make sure I make time for the important things.

I've recently come to terms with certain aspects of my life. I'm embracing myself, and following my heart instead of constantly trying to make other people happy. It's not easy. I've spent 30 years being agreeable and doing what is expected of me based on who I'm with. I feel like I'm 3 people. I'm trying to stop and just be myself. To actually be the person I am, and not what I'm expected to be.

I'm an introvert. My New Year's plans are to stay home, with my husband, and play ARK. This is a perfect evening for me. I don't want to walk crowded streets or shout over music at a party. I like my quiet little life. I want people to understand that I can love them, but not want to be with them all the time. I like my space and my privacy. I like being alone for hours, days. It comforts me. I give so much of myself when I'm face to face with those I love, that sometimes, a lot of the time, I don't want to see anyone so that I have a few pieces of myself left for me. Some of the people in my life understand this, but many do not.

I want to start 2016 fresh, as one person, acting true to my nature, all the time. This is not going to be easy to do. I am a natural caregiver, which is why I enjoy it as a career, but I need to learn to draw lines and make sure I care for myself. Sometimes, I do need to come first. I need to take time for myself and do the things that make me happy. So I'll be writing more. I'll get the blog done every other week, and maybe every week if a special idea strikes me. Becoming Grace Divine is going into its last editing phase now, and should be released by Memorial Day. I'll be running around shouting about Catching Bodel and having sales and events and such to fill the coming cold winter days. But mostly, I'll be home, enjoying being myself.

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